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How to Survive '80s Horror and Sci-FiWhen movie monsters moved from makeup and prosthetics to lines of code, every movie fan lost a piece of their soul. Remakes come and go, but we know the originals always delivered the greatest monsters.
This infographic review 10 of the greatest horror and science fiction films of the '80s to deliver the most authoritative, combat go-to survival guide against the most notorious, most vicious movie monsters that ever hit the big screens.
Enemy: The Predator AKA "Cutie Pie"
Know Your Enemy: The ultimate sport hunter. This alien race has no qualms with using superior technology and physical ability to hunt the deadliest prey in the universe - us. They prefer to ambush their prey with active camouflage technology, using a variety of weapons from spears and throwing weapons to shoulder mounted plasma cannons. If you best one, make it through or run like hell. If they have to go, they'll try to take you with them using a high grade explosive.
How to Face Him: Their technology can be their biggest weakness, but if you can figure out their particular sense of honor you'll have an added edge. They adapt well to changing situations, so when you find a weakness - strike fast and end it quickly. With this particular enemy you'll really want to play to your strengths rather than trying to rely on superior firepower.
2) A Nightmare on Elm Street
Enemy: Freddy Krueger
Know Your Enemy: A sadistic, phantom child killer, Krueger was one mortal, but through fire and vengeance became a dream demon who preys on the youth of Elm Street. In a dream-state, Freddy has the ability to disguise himself as anyone, take unlimited damage, and inflict wounds and death that are real. Taking him on with any means of success requires you to find a way to drag him back out into the real world where he can be hurt like the rest of us.
How to Face Him: Since he cannot die - not even by the maniac camper, Jason Voorhees, your best shot at survival is to get out of Elm Street. Here's the plan: Since Krueger warms up to his kill and likes leaving signature cuts and burns on his prey, you should go to the cops and tell them your parents are abusing you. They didn't listen to you about Freddy dreams anyway, so when Freddy kills you that makes them an accomplice to murder. Request the court send you to live with family far from Elm Street. That might just do it.
3) The Lost Boys
Know Your Enemy: Teenagers with mullets are bad enough; make them into vampires, and you have a fanged, eternal puberty crisis. The good news is that the 'vampire' problem can be cured - just kill em, or their head vampire before they've fully turned into bloodsuckers. The hair-metal haircut and teenage hormones, on the other hand, have no cures, and must run their course.
How to Face Him: If Corey Feldman isn't around to assist you, many effective anti-vampire weapons can be quickly fashioned from common household products: crude wood stakes, garlic cloves, water balloons and Super Soakers filled with holy water, and then there is the sun. Just make sure to get home before it sets, and try to avoid nightly visits to Santa Cruz amusement parks These vampires also have a code (like missionaries) they don't walk into your house uninvited, so avoid letting weird looking teenagers in your house in the evenings. And especially don't let you mom start dating head vampires unless you want to redecorate your house with blood and guts.
4) E.T. The Extra Terrestrial
Know Your Enemy: Short, frumpy, and foreign to earth. He's endowed with a health regenerative finger and ascending neck that every Peeping Tom would die to have. Did I mention he clings on to your children and freeloads off you unknowingly while you're away at work? All the while, the little leech is drinking all your beer, getting hopped up on candies, deceiving your children and annoying your pets. This needs to end quickly!
How to Face Him: Assuming you even know he's in your house, you can use his vices against him to weaken him up for the fight. Lure him out with some candy and your children (false security), then get him drinking your beer again. Shouldn't be hard, but he might have built up a tolerance, so make sure you have enough. When woozy, bash and bag him up for the scientists who will pay you the bug buck for the find of the century. Your children will be confused and may hate you for awhile, but when you put them through college with the money and get educated, they will understand you did right.
5) The Thing
Enemy: The Thing
Know Your Enemy: A complex, alien organism that infects its hosts at a cellular level (not talking phone range) in order to overtake its body, and eventually subject all life to the same process. Does this sound familiar? That's right - the Thing is basically a hippy from outer space, and the only way to stop it is with a lot of fire!
How to Face It: Where hippies infest your body with communist/socialist ideology, the Thing appropriates your body through your cells. Luckily, both monsters have an innate aversion to humor and wearing underwear. So the fellow who you thought was your friend suddenly cracks his head back and giant tentacles rise out and try to entangle you, there is a good chance that you can spot a Thing out ahead of time by making jokes that they should have gotten or by noticing that they've "gone commando." The Thing tries to impersonate life, so it will play along a little and try to act human. Just lure them into a blasting furnace or a casual flamethrower ambush, and be sure to torch them until there is nothing left. Piece of cake, right Kurt Russell?
Enemy: Queen Alien
Know Your Enemy: These creatures claim their first life at birth, exploding out of the chests of their hosts. Things only go downhill from there. They grow to maturity in a matter of hours, reach nearly 7 feet in height. Equipped with acid blood, a projecting second jaw (powerful enough to pierce a human skull), a deadly prehensile tail, and claws just as fearsome, there isn't a thing about these deadly creatures that wasn't designed to deal death. The only thing they want from you is your life, preferably as a host to more of their kind, but just killing you is find if they don't have any eggs handy.
How to Face Her: If there's more than one, you're likely dealing with a queen - or as our friend Ripley affectionately calls her - Bitch. With a queen in the picture the Aliens are going to be looking to harvest living people as hosts. Keep your face covered, you might as well put a gun to your own head if you get tagged by a Facehugger. Fire works exceptionally well with this parasitic enemy. No fancy strategies needed here, just superior firepower. Torch the nest, take out the queen and live another day. Power lifters optional.
7) The Terminator
Know Your Enemy: Almost everyone has heard the same spiel "...part man, part machine...a hyperalloy combat chassis...flesh, skin...grown for the cyborgs..." and when one of them has been sent back in time to kill Sarah Conner, if you get in the way, or are caught up in one of its gunfights, this nearly indestructible tinman will put you down like a dog.
How to Face Him: Unfortunately, the Terminator isn't like his predecessor. Teddy Ruxpin. Terminator batteries don't just wear out after a couple minutes, and you can forget about pushing this robot into a pool because it won't do you any good - he can learn to swim! Run, hide, and get as much firepower as you possibly can. If you are fortunate enough to get in close and stuff a pipe down the Terminator's pants, you just might live through the night. There have been recent reports of the T.V. B-Gone remote randomly shutting Terminators down remotely, but this hasn't been rigorously tested by science.
Enemy: Poltergeist AKA Noisy Ghost
Know Your Enemy: Hard to say who or what you are really dealing with - could be Beelzebub, or just some ghostly neighbors from hell (quite literally!). Regardless, you know you're dealing with a poltergeist for sure when your chairs stack and unstack themselves, clown dolls come alive and throttle you, giant trees smash up your house, and one of your kids gets eaten by the closet. Angry spirits? Yeah, but in my case, it was just delirium tremens (DTs) that would come on when I drank too much, or didn't drink at all.
How to Face It: There are two options, really, and both require outside help. If you're not ready to put down the bottle, then you're going to need to ride out your trip to its end. This may include the lose family members, graves raising out of the ground, and at some point in the night, you're going to find yourself chasing tennis balls through the astral plane with an eerie dwarf. The other option is to surrender to a different higher power - enroll in the AA and get on the 12 Step Program.
9) Friday the 13th
Enemy: Jason Voorhees
Know Your Enemy: Jason is basically a vengeance mummy. He's not like the stupid, slow zombies that we've all grown so fond of, and are delightfully easy to dispatch. Fueled by his hatred of premarital sex - the very act which led to his mortal demise in a childhood drowning - Jason now roams Camp Crystal Lake with his crude machete, and he kills everyone he comes across.
How to Face Him: Like Norman Bates, Jason is rather fond of his mother. If you happen to come across an old cabin in the woods that houses the decapitated head, machete, and decomposing sweater of Jason's mother, then you've struck gold! Just dress up like her, and the maniac camper will become your own personal, undead servant. The smell of the sweater is bad, I know, but this is a small price to pay for such power. Now you can have him bring you food (I said "bring" because he can't cook very well), bags of money, cars...pretty much anything, so long as he continues to believe you're his mother.
10) An American Werewolf in London
Enemy: David AKA: Werewolf
Know Your Enemy: An American in London...the one that turns into a werewolf. You'll know him when you see him. He's rather fond of visiting hospitals, strolling through zoos in women's clothing, and chatting with himself in adult theaters. We all know that you shouldn't let strangers bite you, but really do avoid getting bit by this fellow. If his bite kills you, you'll end up a ghoul trapped between life and death (most likely a person he's talking to at the adult theaters), and if you survive the bite, then you're fated to become a werewolf like him at each full moon.
How to Face Him: Don't go rushing into battle with a silly cricket bat unless you're looking forward to that luxurious ghoul lifestyle. No sir! Probably the best thing you can do is run like hell to the cops without taking an injury, and let them gun down the Yankee dog like any other rabid beast that prowls their streets. Afterwards, you can celebrate your survival with some nice tea and biscuits.